January 25, 2010

The End

I feel like I'm hurling towards something that I can't control. I'm off kilter, out of sync.. I feel as if I'm a shell of myself. I'm lost and confused. I feel like I take in everything around me, but then I lose it the next second.

I feel like I'm getting ready to lose everything I have, all that I am. I feel like I'm not long for this earth, that my existence is fragile and short. I am sad. I want to be here longer, but then at the same time, I long for the darkness of nothing. I feel as if everyone will be better off when my time has ended.

I'm not suicidal, although it has entered my mind. I just feel like my time is drawing near. I pray that I'm wrong because there's still so much to do and see. There's still so much love that I want to share with my husband. So many memories I want to create.

This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end. ~ The Doors

ameliorating at 9:23 a.m.

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,


so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~ joseph campbell