September 01, 2010

So Long, Farewell..

The start of a new month, a month that every year is crazy and confused and full of fun. Its a new beginning today, and an ending. The ending of this diary.

Last night, DH and I were talking and he mentioned that I love reading and writing and he was surprised that I don't have a blog. The first thing out of my mouth was "No, I don't have one".. then I realized that's not being honest. So, I blurted out that I was sorry for lying, but I do have a blog. It got really quiet in our car. We talked about a lot of different things last night and this blog was the main topic.

He has no problem with me keeping a journal, blog, diary.. but not online. At least, not this one. He says if I want to start a blog that he's included in, then he has no problem. He has a problem with me keeping a blog about our life that he knew nothing about, but strangers did. I can understand that.

My only fear is.. this is the place I come to vent, to let go of what's bottled up inside. I know that I could share with him.. but no one needs to know my every waking thought, fear, worry, irrationality. I haven't tried a paper diary since I was a kid, so maybe its time to try again.

I don't know if I will start another blog. I hardly write in this and I've been looking for a way to gracefully end this for awhile now. I guess I have my ending. Most of the people that I have come to know as friends are also on F@ceb00k as my friend. If you aren't, leave me a note and I'll add you. If I do ever start up somewhere else (probably not old D-land however), I may come back and let you know.. pending D-land doesn't delete this whole thing by then.

Its been a long journey. DH begged me to save every entry so that I always have my words. At first, I just wanted to delete everything, but he's right. I may not care right now.. but this is 4 years of my life as sporadic as it may have been. That's a lot of memories to lose for no good reason. I have saved everything, including notes. I will be deleting the rest of the entries by the end of today.

I will continue to keep up with the few diaries that friends still update. The only other thing to say is, thank you. Thank you to those of you who have left me encouraging notes throughout the years. Lindsey, you especially have left some of the most wonderful notes and I will sorely miss getting them. I definitely will keep up with you and I'm so excited that you've found a house!

So, for the final time here at Ameliorating.. goodbye. And of course, I can't leave without some final lyrics:

So Long, Farewell - Sound Of Music

There's a sad sort of
clanging from the clock in
the hall
And the bells in the steeple too.
And up in the nursery an
absurd little bird
Is popping out to say
cook-coo cook-coo, cook-coo
Regretfully they tell us cook-coo
But firmly they compel us cook-coo
To say goodbye cook-coo...
To you...

So long farewell, auf
wiedersehen good-bye
I hate to go and leave
this pretty sight

So long farewell, auf wiedersehen adieu
Adieu, adieu, to you and you and you

So long farewell, au
revior auf wiedersehen

I'd like to stay and taste
my first champagne

So long farewell, auf
wiedersehen goodnight
I leave and heave a sigh
and say good bye -

I'm glad... to go.... I
cannot tell a lie
I fleet, I float, I
fleetly flee I fly...

The sun... has gone... to
bed and so must I...

So long...farewell...auf
wiedersehen goodbye...

ameliorating at 1:41 p.m.

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,

so as to have the life that is waiting for us. ~ joseph campbell